5 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries in Friendships
Friendships are built on trust, mutual respect, and understanding, but setting boundaries is a huge part of healthy friendships and relationships—and one that often gets overlooked. Boundaries help us protect ourselves and our emotional well-being while being true to other people we are trying to connect with.
Here are five practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries in friendships.
1️⃣ Who are you?
Reflect, reflect, reflect! Before I worked with future nurses, I had no idea how important being intentional about reflecting was. I’ve always been a pro at reflecting (some call it overthinking, but what do they know?), but I never realized it wasn’t second nature to everyone.
In this case, instead of mulling over that embarrassing thing you did yesterday and how you would have done it differently, you zoom out, but not too much! Kind of like focusing a camera, you need to find a good distance to see yourself as a whole person. Look at what you want in your life and friendships and what you do not want. No one can be an authentic friend to you if you do not show up authentically! Once you take stock of yourself, it will make it that much easier to communicate your boundaries to others.
💡 Scenario: Think about when you are most stressed. What are you doing or not doing that would make you feel better? That’s the starting point. Then maybe you discover that you feel super stressed when you get home from work unless you take an hour to unwind. That is self-care and that can now be a boundary for you.
2️⃣ Communicate Clearly and Kindly
When expressing a boundary, use language that is direct yet considerate. Focus on “I” statements to share your feelings without placing blame. This advice is used so much that it starts to sound cliche after a while, but the underlying idea is that you are speaking from YOUR perspective about how something your friend did or said made you feel. When strong emotions try to take the wheel, it may not feel like it—but deep down, you care about the person on the other side of the conversation.
There is a huge amount of vulnerability in expressing yourself this way. It’s so much easier to tell someone that they MADE you feel some way and “how dare they do that?!” but the truth is that behind that outrage and defensiveness is a hurt that is trying to claw its way out of you however it can. So, as calmly as you can muster, tell your friend what you’re feeling and what action (or inaction) on their part caused the feeling, then state your need.
💡 Example: Instead of saying, “You’re always late and it’s frustrating!” try: “I feel disrespected when plans don’t start on time. I’d appreciate it if we could stick to the schedule we agreed to last week.”
3️⃣ Practice Saying No Without Guilt
It’s okay to say no when something doesn’t align with your priorities or values. Remember, setting boundaries is not selfish, it’s an act of self-care. Practice phrasing your “no” in a way that’s respectful yet firm.
The best place to start with practicing this skill is with people you already trust have your best interest in mind. And although it might be different for them, often times it’s more uncomfortable for you than it is for them. If your friends have a hard time with a “no” that’s not your cue to give in though! It’s your chance to try to show up for yourself consistently and doing that could help them come around faster. The less unpredictability, the better!
💡 Example: “Thanks for inviting me, but I’m not available this time. I hope you have a wonderful time!”
Easy right? Okay, don’t look at me like that! I promise, the more you say it, the less weird it feels.
4️⃣ Navigate Pushback Gracefully
Now what about those friends who may NOT come around as easily. Yes, it’s a possibility that as much as your friends care for you, they may struggle with the boundaries you’ve set, especially if it’s all new to them. Respond with care and calm while at the same time reiterating why the boundary is important to you. Avoid arguing or over-explaining—it’s enough to state your needs respectfully and remind yourself that you are doing this for yourself and to have a stronger friendship, not a weaker one.
💡 Example: “I understand this is hard for you, but this boundary helps me feel more balanced and supported. I hope you can respect it.”
5️⃣ Regularly Reevaluate Your Boundaries
As relationships grow and circumstances change, so might your boundaries! Check in with yourself periodically to make sure your boundaries are still serving your needs. Adjust them as necessary to maintain healthy, fulfilling connections.
There is truly a fine like to walk when you’re thinking about flexing your boundaries. My best advice is to flex on boundaries because YOU feel more comfortable doing so, not because you feel guilt or pressure from others to abandon your boundaries. Check your intentions behind making any exceptions or changes in your boundaries. Only you can know what’s right for you.
💡 Example: If a friend becomes more reliable over time, you might ease up on boundaries related to communication expectations.
Final Thoughts
Healthy boundaries are the foundation of lasting friendships. They create space for trust, respect, and emotional safety. Remember, setting boundaries is a skill—and like any skill, it takes practice. Start small and celebrate every step you take toward honoring your needs and values.
You deserve to be happy, and the people in your life deserve the opportunity to meet your needs in a way that makes you feel seen and cared for. When you set boundaries, you’re not pushing people away, you’re building strong, more intentional connections.
For more insights into boundary setting, I invite you to join my monthly class, Boundaries Unpacked! It’s a great place to start with more practical advice that you can start using as soon as it’s over!
